extremespeed snorlax.

2011.

Let’s start with the bads. Because getting that shit out of the way leads to good.

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barcraft.

Heading inside, I quickly realise we’ve lost one of the gang; having forgotten his ID, he is denied entry to the hotel and thus leaves to another event. Lucky. Sitting down in our front row seats, albeit a painful headturn away, I cringe as the pain in my legs starts to throb. No matter, there’s loud music as the Award Ceremony for the GSL this year begins. Hopefully it’s over quickly so we can watch the BlizzCup final, what we’re here to watch.

The Award Ceremony takes longer than usual. It’s a bit loud in the bar to hear the Korean commentary well but I can guess most of the bits I can’t hear. It’s a decent introduction, with serious business mixed with a sense of humour that only Koreans shows would dare employ. Awards, also serious and humorous are dished out, ranging from ‘most improved player’ to ‘most units produced’ (go IMNesTea). 47000+ units is a lot, maybe even for a Zerg player, and he says next year he hopes to beat this record. An award for ‘highest APM’ is given to SlayerS_Puzzle. A joke is made about his frequent bashing of the ‘g’ key (a reference to his relatively poor ability) and the appropriate SNSD song plays. Teehee. After handing out the final awards, namely the race masters and a special award to Tastosis, the final begins.

Today’s final is SlayerS_MMA (T) vs MVPDongRaeGu (Z). Two somewhat rivals went head to head in a GSL final set that would not disappoint.

There is a clear majority rooting for DRG. An underdog of sorts, DRG is a top tier player, initially acknowledged but not noticed. He quickly uptook fame after winning the LGSL and destroying Prime in the GSTL.

The MMA fans are still evident, and I’m rooting for him. Trained by BoxeR himself, MMA recently won CodeS and came second place in MLG. The final is best of 7, and we are convinced we will be staying a while.

MMA quickly takes a 3-0 lead. The games are short and crisp; banshees winning the first and helion harrass helping with the second two. DRG fans are disappointed, and the tension is strong as match point arises after only 100 minutes of play. A break incurs, and a fancard that reads ‘I ditched my girlfriend to come watch you [MMA], so you better do well’.

However, DRG comes back with a victory, completely dominating MMA with mutabaneling. Everyone is surprised, and the support for DRG once again rises. DRG takes the next two games with similar strategies that MMA cannot fend off, bringing the score to 3-3. It is 11.11pm as I look at my phone and grab another glass of water. This is going to be good.

The final game begins, and much of the same back-and-forth action from last game is seen. MMA takes the same build as before, with an unsuccessful reaper attack. Instead it retreats to higher ground, and soon will take the lives of over 10 zerglings. The build is noted to be stronger on this map than the last due to terrain advantage; we are all expectant of some amazing battles. Before long, tanks on higher ground are sniping zerg/banelings and MMA is able to survive multiple hordes of attacks. DRG quickly takes 2 expansions and builds a spire. After some mitigated muta harrass, an ultralisk cavern appears. Using these with 3-3 upgrades, he is able to ruin MMA, taking 2 of his expansions down and almost pushing into his main. Infestors, corruptors and broodlords are added to the mix as DRG begins his final assault. MMA manages to counter with quick viking production and manages to take out all of DRG’s expos. With both players trading hits and food count leading, DRG manages to push into MMA’s main, and the final battle starts.

Ultralisks are sacrificed as tanky bait for the broodlords. All but two of MMA’s tanks are destroyed, and an amazing funal growth manages to trap all of MMA’s vikings. My friends and I cringe as we witness the slaughter of MMA’s army. However, after minor turtling and reproduction of two hero vikings which would take down the remaining corruptors and broodlords, our disdain is turned into glee as DRG surrenders with a gg, having lost all of his army.

I am amazed. I am suddenly awake as ever, having intently watched the best GSL finals ever. All the people around me agree. We decide to get Maccas for dinner. At 12am.

Time to go home and sleep.

dovahkiin.

That’s right. Unforunately I was never a huge fan of The Elder Scroll series until I played Oblivion, which was hell fun. Skyrim builds on the experience that is Oblivion and takes it to a new level with a boosted interface and much nicer graphics.

I can almost hold the moon in my hands.

The gameplay is solid, and the intro is much like the other TES games. You start off in a mini tutorial-esque scenario where the controls (mostly simple and generic) are explained to you and you are quickly carted off (literally) into the world of Skyrim.

What makes TES games so good is the gameplay itself. Although one may not be wholly satisfied with the stoylines, the fact that you can complete over ten sidequests before even bothering with the main quest will absorb you so quickly that hours will pass and you realise you’re still in the first town of the game.

I constantly find myself panicking after murdering someone with fire (heh) in case they might have been important in a quest in the future (because unfortunately once you kill an NPC they don’t respawn, and if they’re key to your main quest and you can’t start the next part later on because they have a disability known as death then too bad.)

Naturally I’m a mage because, well, they’re overpowered as fuck. Although with the added freedom, I decided to take a hybrid thief build with ridiculous levels in lockpicking, pickpocketing, and sneaking.

Dual wielding flamethrowers is always fun.


I think this is Force Lightning

It wouldn’t be fantasy without dragons, would it now? Killing them grants you a dragon soul. Yep. A dragon soul. (You can use these to unlock shouts but fuck that, give me more dragons to kill.)

Upon death, dragons will combust and leave their remains behind, allowing you to scavenge their skeletons for well… bones.

Now here’s a whole bunch of other screenshots because I’ve lost track of the things I wanted to say and I’m also very tired/lazy.

Some things just look so cool.

Nice parking spots are hard to come by.

Stealing from the Tree of Life yields many interesting ingredients including… potatoes.
Problem? Don’t worry, you get paid to fuck this guy up later on.
You’re not allowed in unless you’re wearing these fancy party clothes.
Casually riding dragons to work.

Long story short it’s a fun game for anyone, whether young or old. If you have the time to do a million sidequests alongside the thousand main ones then this is the game for you. Although many of the puzzles in some caves are thoroughly lacking, the game makes up for this by letting you kill anything that moves.

Oh, and being able to pickpocket everyone. Bribing guards with their own money will never get old.

air is fucking expensive.

Last time I checked, air was free. Want some for yourself? Here’s how:
Go outside, close your eyes, take a deep breathe and there, you’ve just had a free dose of air. Don’t do it again too soon though; you should savour all things that are free. Give it a few minutes before you decide to inhale again. If you can’t last that long without wanting another whiff, you addict, then knock yourself out - but do it slowly this time.
Now go back inside and get a packet of chips. Or a bag of crisps if you’re an American. Why? Because you’re bloody hungry from breathing, that’s why. Wow, your ATP is active today.
Either way, shake it to evenly distribute the large amount of salt you are about to ingest, and then open the bag like a normal person; you should be looking at something like this:


Wait… where the fuck are my chips?

Yes, dipshit, I see the measly pile down the bottom there… but then I realise I can stick my whole fist in the bag without actually touching a single slice of potato.
If I experiment, I can actually flatten this bag out (with chips still inside) to be about 0.8cm wide (in an effort to create a rectangular block).


I also calculated that there were about ate 17 chips. Crunching some numbers, we can get the density (mass/volume if you didn’t pay attention in high school science) to be about 0.4 chips/square cm. While this tiny number may not mean much to you and your tiny brain, it reveals to me that the fried product did not even consume 30% of the potential volume of the bag THERE’S NOT ENOUGH FUCKING FOOD HERE.
That’s pathetic. I realise that you can’t compact chips nicely due to irregular size, shape, and their structural integrity. However, since it’s not very often I eat bullshit like this, I find it rather unfortunate that the rare times I do indulge in eating greased up vegetables that will inevitably lead to my early death are filled with disappointment.
‘But Jung,’ some smartarse will say, ‘they need to pack in all that nitrogen to prevent the chips going stale and to assist in packaging and distribution cushioning!’
Well mate,

Crunching some more numbers, I’ve paid 43.33 cents for this packet of chips; of which 29 was for nitrogen. Fuck that.

IRC
n. instant relay chat
Basically software that emulates multiplayer notepad.

bash.org
There’s really nothing more I need to say.

oh look at the time.

However despite these relatively enraging facts, I have decided to blog about something a bit more positive.
To this day, my blog is a year old. While the memories of writing my first posts are long gone and are probably irrelevant, I find some significance in the very fact that my blog still exists after looking at some stats.
For a blog of my calibre (that is, for the purposes of entertaining myself and friends), I find it rather surprising that I get such numbers from Google. Employing their analytics, I’ve managed to get some numbers:

• Over 1000 visits (22 from Brazil?! And a whole load of other European/American countries…. wtf?)
• Over 300 unique visitors
• Over 2000 page views

So in conclusion I’d just like to say thank you to any readers who actually enjoy reading my bullshit.
And for you douchefags who only come for the free cookies, then you might wanna absorb this statistic:

Usage examples:

I torqued your mum.

Our Physics teacher during the introductory lesson to forces: “Guys can you please all stop talking!”
Us: “TORQUE HAHAHA”

Wrenches employ torque. Knives go on wrenches. As a result, knife wrenches also employ torque. In more ways than one.

You know what’s even more ironic?
My brother calling someone a dumbass.